The Top 10 Ways to Be Sure You Do Not Disempower a 'Stay at Home' Life Partner or Housemate
Category: Relationships, Relating, Couples (BB155)Originally Submitted on 2/6/98.
Our society tends to imply that if one person goes out to work, and brings in money, and the other stays home and looks after what needs to be looked after, the one actually earning the cash is the person with the power, and the status. If this attitude is maintained within the relationship, the person staying home will gradually become disempowered, and will eventually come to resent it. In most cases, the relationship will eventually suffer as a result. Particular efforts need to be exerted by the wage-earner to avoid perpetuating this societal view.
1. Do not EVER imply that your life is more important, or that you have more power, just because you are the one earning the money.
2. Remember that if this relationship IS a partnership, his/her opinions and desires are as important as yours, and should carry equal weight.
3. Be sure there is money available to her/him that does not have to be asked for or accounted for, and that is not referred to as an 'allowance.'
4. Do not patronize or talk down to his/her circle of friends, even if they do not have careers that seem important in relation to yours.
5. Even if you travel a lot and yearn to cocoon at home in your spare hours, remember that s/he spends most of the time at home, and needs to get away.
Would you prefer s/he should go out without you?
6. Seriously consider how you would manage if s/he died, and whether life insurance is appropriate.
Many people consider that there is no point in having life insurance for someone who is not bringing in income, but what would it cost to replace what that person does if s/he were not there, particularly if there are children to care for? And what is the message you convey to the person if your life is insured and his/hers is not?
7. If your socializing needs are met at or through work, recognize that your partner also needs to socialize, and not necessarily solely with you.
8. The events of your partner's day may seem trivial to you, but it is still her/his experience.
If you care about him/her, then the experience should be of interest to you. Show it.
9. Give your partner the opportunity to lead, to make decisions, just as much as you do.
10. Give his/her schedule as much importance as yours.
Yours may have less flexibility, but expecting that your partner will automatically cancel plans so as to fit in with yours is to imply that yours is the important one.
About the Submitter
This piece was originally submitted by Diana Robinson, Ph.D., CASAC, Personal & Career Coach, Writer, Editor, who can be reached at Diana@ChoiceCoach.com, or visited on the web. Diana Robinson wants you to know: As a Professional Life Coach I welcome the chance to work with people seeking to reconnect with their own strengths and their own authenticity, people who are seeking balance in their lives, and to whom inner, as well as outer, success is important. I offer a half-hour complimentary coaching call and a free twice-monthly e-mail newsletter. For more information see my web site.
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