The Top 10 Stages of Getting Unstuck from Negative Emotions
Category: Emotional Healing, Recovery, Coping, 12-Step (BE6)Originally Submitted on 10/24/98.
Life does not always go our way. People can be thoughtless or cruel. Things happen to which we over-react, often because they trigger old feelings from way back when we were helpless to deal with them. Sometimes we respond far more strongly than is warranted by the present situation. Neither we nor those around us may realize that the strength of our reaction is based not on what is happening now, but on something that occurred way back when. As we grow within ourselves we learn to be less affected by such situations. Here are some of the stages we may go through as we grow.
1. You respond furiously to anything that disturbs you. You are convinced you are right and that your response, however strong and intense, is appropriate. The situation continues to replay in your head, and to disturb you again and again, long after it is over.
2. You become aware that you are feeling negative way beyond what is appropriate to the current situation, but you can't stop stop yourself from expressing your fury. When the situation is past you are unable to stop yourself from recycling it in your mind.
3. You come to the same realization but now you manage to pull back from acting out. It still continues to bother you long afterwards.
4. You recognize what past situation the anger was really coming from and why the present situation triggered it, but still have difficulty in not reacting inwardly.
5. You become able to laugh at yourself as you look at the way your gut is churning, recognizing that it is really about something that actually happened long ago.
6. Your gut no longer churns and you congratulate yourself on staying calm. However, the person stays in your head and you (calmly) continue to rehash what you really should have said and imagine yourself "winning" or being proven right.
7. The personal/situation remain in your head, but now you are able to consider your opponent's point of view. You may be able to allow the person in your head to present their viewpoint without inventing ways to verbally slam-dunk them.
8. When the situation is over, it is over. You are able to evict the person from your head as soon as the situation is over.
9. You get that whatever it was may have been a lesson that you needed to learn, and you resolve to act upon that learning. You attach no blame to the situation.
10. You get immediately that that the situation isn't important and will not change your life. You don't allow it to distract your behavior or your thinking. You observe it, respond appropriately without interference from your gut, and move on.
About the Submitter
This piece was originally submitted by Diana Robinson, Ph.D., CASAC, Personal Development Coach, who can be reached at Diana@ChoiceCoach.com, or visited on the web. Diana Robinson wants you to know: By focusing on their values, integrity and authenticity, my clients enhance their ability to know what is truly important to them, and to focus their time and energy on these things. Result, tremendous growth in both their outward success and their inner joy. I write two free e-mail newsletters: Grounded in the Earth, Reaching for the Sky relates to spirituality and inner joy; Work in Progress relates more to outward success. To subscribe to either or both, e-mail me.
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