The Top 10 Times to Acknowledge Life Changes with a Ritual

Originally Submitted on 3/1/2000.

An ancient wisdom that many of us have lost is the use of ritual, or rite of passage, to mark life changes. A ritual need not be something religious, though it may be. The purpose of much ritual, as Joseph Campbell has written, is to "conduct people across those difficult thresholds of transformation that demand a change in the patterns not only of conscious but also of unconscious life." Rituals do not have to be pre-ordained. You can develop your own. If this is difficult there are also books available to help you use your creativity to craft a rite that is truly yours. Some purposes for which ritual may be helpful are to:

1. Mourn something or someone that is finished, lost, no longer with you.

This acknowledges and validates your grief and pain, and your right to experience it.

2. Set something free, or to set yourself free of something or someone.

A ritual may help you to be firm and close a door that needs to be closed, so that you can move on.

3. Mark your forgiveness of past behaviors, whether your own or someone else's.

Some people will write acts to be forgiven on paper and burn them (safely). Or shred them. Or bury them.

4. Celebrate the beginning of something new - a project, a phase of your life, a relationship.

One ritual that we have preserved is the ground-breaking ceremony. It does not need to be the prerogative of large buildings and football fields. Ground-breaking can be actual, or it can be metaphorical.

5. Acknowledge a change of phase, a stage of growth, a new attitude.

"This is the first day of the rest of my life" is a rather trite phrase that nonetheless summarizes such a ritual. You can make it far more elaborate to suit your own circumstances.

6. Celebrate an achievement, a major goal attained, a victory won.

Take the time to experience your pride, and to let others congratulate you. Learn to accept congratulations with grace. It would be beneficial to develop appropriate celebrations that are more meaningful than just going out to the bar for a celebratory drink, as so often happens.

7. Unite people.

The formation of a group, a partnership or an organization may be smoothed by a ritual which clarifies the expectations of mutual support and loyalty. We have weddings, but very few other uniting rituals.

8. Welcome someone, signal acceptance into a group or a family.

Being the newcomer, the stranger, in a pre-existing group is often a scary and painful experience. A ritual that leads the existing members to reach out and specifically welcome the newcomer can heal many hurts.

9. When moving into a new space, whether it be a house, apartment, office, or even a car.

The Native American use of sage or sweetgrass to be burned when one moves into new space is well known. Others may choose to have a religious leader come in to bless a space. You could dance joyfully from room to room blowing soap bubbles. Take whatever steps it takes to feel that the area is yours.

10. Accept the start of a fallow time.

This may particularly need acknowledgment, for it is necessary, but society tends to speak against it. If we need fallow time, it is often difficult not to feel guilty. Farmers used to allow the land to lie fallow every seventh year. The moon waxes, and it also wanes. We, too, need recuperation time, and we need to acknowledge that we are taking it.

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