The Top 10 Tips for Creating a Successful Relationship

Originally Submitted on 10/16/99.

Successful relationship refers to two people having found a way to relate to each other where each feels accepted, valued, and loved by the other.

1. Establish a relationship of equality.

Start with the premise that both of you are of equal worth. This keeps you from getting caught up in the struggle of who has power over the other. Appreciating each other as being equally valuable will bring strength to your relationship.

2. Take responsibility for yourself.

You alone are responsible for yourself. What an awesome expectation! It is also very freeing to realize that one does not have to be a victim to the past, the oughts and shoulds, but can choose how to lead one's own life. The more each person in a relationship takes good care of self, the more each can also give in the relationship.

3. Let go of blame, criticism, and judging.

Blame, criticism, and judging get you right back into the arena of who is right and who is wrong. Instead say what you are feeling and thinking by using the pronoun I. It is far more powerful and will let your partner know how you were affected by whatever was just said or done.

4. Go for win-win.

In most situations that need to be handled you can come to an understanding that leaves both people feeling OK. There are however times when something matters so much to one person that the win-win comes from giving support to that person. If there is a winner and a loser, both people lose.

5. Take 20 minutes each day to talk with each other.

Since most people lead very busy lives it becomes important to set specific time aside to connect with each other.

6. Have fun together.

Laugh together, find things that you enjoy doing together, find joy around you.

7. Respect each other's feelings.

Allow each other the right to whatever you feel; however, take responsibility for sharing your feelings in a way that you truly get heard.

8. Say or do something to enhance your partner every day.

9. Accept each other as you are.

By focusing on acceptance you avoid getting caught in the trap of wanting to change the other. Since no one can change anyone else, it is a futile undertaking.

10. Love.

Give love freely and it will come back to you.

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