The Top 10 Ways to Love With Lightness

Originally Submitted on 2/14/2001.

1. Love yourself first.

I know it's cliche but it's true. You can only receive from others the same amount of love and respect you give yourself. It's like a straw between you and the world...and the width of the straw depends on the amount of love you have for yourself.

2. Know thyself.

Know what you need and request it. Don't play games, and don't be ashamed of having needs. Everyone does, and if you think you don't, you are only lying to yourself. The rest of us can see what you need because they are often "shouting" to get met. The funny thing about needs is they will get met one way or another, so why don't you choose how that happens.

3. Fill your own needs.

The more you fill your own needs for respect, love, approval, etc. the less you will need from others. The more you strive to get your needs met through other people, the less they will want to fulfill your needs. People want the freedom to choose to meet your needs and make you happy.

4. Set boundaries.

You teach others how to treat you. It is your job to take care of yourself first, then there is more of you (and higher quality) to give to others. Let people know how to speak to you, when you want time alone, what your standards are, etc.

5. Let go.

We all know that feeling...once you have your sights set on something, it is hard to let go of it, and we suffer when it does not turn out as planned. Face it--the only thing you can know for sure is that the outcome will look different than the vision you now have in mind.

6. Don't expect more from others than you are willing to give first.

Often we are waiting for the other person to do or say something first. Then we will lay our cards on the table. If you find yourself waiting for the other person this time, now is the time for you to give. And give without having to get in return.

7. Don't take your partner (or yourself) too seriously.

Remind yourself that everything is temporary. This moment, this issue, this life... Also remember the strong emotional reactions we have about someone else are really about ourselves. So if you find yourself upset with your partner over some issue, look to see what that issue means about you. For example, "how could you forget to pick me up at the airport?" is really "what I fool I look like that I'm not important enough to my spouse to remember to pick me up." Yes grasshopper, it always seems to come back to you. Especially in intimate relationships.

8. Do playful things together.

Schedule a date where you pretend not to know each other. Meet somewhere new once a month. Take a tantra sex course together. Take a day off together and play hookie. You know the drill...do it.

9. Find out what your partner needs and provide that.

First be sure you are honoring your own integrity and not always sacrificing yourself or your needs in order to fulfill someone else's. Now give him/her this awesome gift.

10. Always keep communicating.

Imagine that nothing is taboo between soulmates. What would it be like to share most everything with your partner? Whatever is not said gets stuck in the energy between you anyway, and over time this builds walls. So make it a regular practice to talk about what's been unsaid lately.

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