The Top 10 (9) Rules to Get Your Needs Met by Your Partner

Originally Submitted on 9/10/2001.

There are nine rules of the road to get your needs and requests met in a relationship.

Note: For the sake of brevity and clarity, I will be referring to your partner as "he" and "him." However, the information is applicable to both genders, so any "he" can be substituted with "she."

Are you a True Love Magnet? To find out, take the True Love Magnet (TM) Quiz at http://www.WhatItTakes.com by clicking on the "Relationship Quizzes" link found at the top of the page.

1. Whether or not you get what you ask for depends on how well you can accept a "no."

If you get upset, angry, belligerent, etc., when your partner says "no," you will either always get a "yes" that does not come true, or get nothing at all. You must learn how to accept "no" graciously.

2. If you absolutely cannot take a "no," then you must take care and time to explain to your partner why it is important for you to get what you want.

Do not expect him to read your mind. Be as explicit as possible, so that all of your motivations and concerns are revealed, and your partner can see the situation clearly.

3. Honor his needs and requests as much or more than you want him to honor yours.

Even though we are not supposed to, as human beings we do count the favors we do for others. Let his count be just slightly higher than yours. Don't over do it, though. You don't want to meet his every need when none of yours are getting met.

4. Never nag.

Nagging creates resentment and rage in your partner. If it gets you what you want, it is only because you have beaten him into it. Nagging leads to your partner trying to tune you out, and to him not taking you seriously.

5. Rather than nagging, make requests.

If you really want something, you can make requests indefinitely, as long as they are done in a calm, adult-like manner.

6. Appreciate, appreciate, appreciate.

When your partner does something nice for you, honors your request or feelings, go all out to thank him. Make a big deal out of it. Let your partner know how his behavior has positively impacted you. Lay it on thick enough, and you are likely to get more of what you want.

7. Create an atmosphere of love.

Tell your partner what you appreciate about him. Thank him for the things that make a difference in your life. Remind him of some wonderful qualities you see in him. This atmosphere will make it easier for your partner to do what you want, will create a desire in him to do what you want.

8. Ask for what you want instead of manipulating or hinting or saying nothing.

Even the closest of people may not know what each other needs or wants. There is no shame in asking for what you want, and your partner will be grateful for it. It will make his life much easier because you have taken out all the guess work of pleasing you.

9. Even if something was not done exactly the way you requested, but an attempt was made to please you, avoid criticizing.

Instead, be gracious. Wait until later to gently communicate what would have been even better.

(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2001. These tips were originally published by Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries, who offers many relationship resources found at www.WhatItTakes.com. Other highlights include relationship advice, quizzes, coaching, classes, and a weekly ezine. Become a True Love Magnet(TM)!"

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