The Top 10 Reasons to Focus on Yourself When a Relationship has Ended
Category: Relationships, Relating, Couples (BB296)Originally Submitted on 12/19/2001.
When a relationship has ended, whether painfully or not, it is very easy to rush to find someone else to fill the void. This may not be a good idea. Here are some of the things you may want to do first:
1. Self-examination
Now that you are on your own, this is an opportunity to figure out who you are and what you truly choose for yourself.
2. Personal growth
When you've done that, you can explore your own interests and learn what you want to learn.
3. Re-establish the real you.
You probably made changes during the relationship that has ended. Take the time to decide whether you want to stay with those changes, or shed them like an old, ougrown snake-skin.
4. Unload the baggage.
It is not fair to someone in a future relationship for you to still be carrying baggage such as anger, sorrow or pain, from the previous one. Deal with it first.
5. Assess your contribution to the problem.
If the previous relationship didn't last, it is logical to assume you had something to do with it, even if the other person was awful. Take a long and careful look at yourself. Try dialog journaling, in which you write a dialog between yourself and the other person, presenting their viewpoint fairly.
6. Fix it.
Now is a good time to change that part of you, those behavior patterns that were destructive, before starting another relationship. Don't wait for a new one, thinking that someone else can 'fix' you. You are the only person who can do that.
7. Learn to enjoy living in the present.
You are in the NOW, the relationship you may or may not find is in the future. If you live in the future you cannot enjoy the now.
8. Be your own best friend
Whether or not you find a relationship, you cannot be sure it will last. You will be with you for the rest of your life. Learn to like yourself and to be good to yourself.
9. Raise your standards.
The higher your standards, the more likely it is that you will find someone who is capable of sharing your ideas as to what a relationship should be. If you are willing to 'settle,' just to get into another relationship, be aware that is a choice, not a necessity, because you can live without a relationship.
10. Grow your support network.
This is an opportunity to strengthen your friendships, to take time for lunch or dinner or otherwise spend time with friends you haven't had time to see while in the relationship.
About the Submitter
This piece was originally submitted by Diana Robinson, PhD., CCG. (Enhancing your life... your way!), Success Strategies Coach, who can be reached at Diana@ChoiceCoach.com, or visited on the web. Diana Robinson wants you to know: Coaching can help you to find the success strategies that work best for you - whatever your definition of success. For a free half-hour coaching call and/or to request free e-zines, please visit me at www.ChoiceCoach.com.
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