The Top 10 Ways to Systematically Improve Your Relationship

Originally Submitted on 1/21/2004.

1. State in positive terms what you would like your partner to do differently.

Ask for what you want politely and agreeably.

2. Recognize there are different ways to do many things.

Negotiate ways to cooperate. Look for win/win opportunities.

3. Tell your partner what is right with them - what you appreciate, value and cherish.

Thank them repeatedly and often.

4. Have realistic expectations.

Know your partner's strengths and weaknesses, level of stress, the ways they are similar to you and the ways they are different.

5. Balance togetherness and individual pursuits.

6. Put your efforts into understanding your partner.

Be compassionate with imperfection - yours and your partner's.

7. Express affection, understanding, love, helpfulness, considerateness
often.

8. Focus on yourself and your partner.

How are you working as a team? Notice the dance and flow. Acknowledge what your partner contributes.

9. Cooperate.

Give and take. Find solutions that meet both partners' needs or agree to alternate solutions.

10. Notice and take responsibility for your role in the relationship
difficulties.

Commit yourself to being a better person for yourself and your partner. Be your most mature self.

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