The Top 10 Mind Power Ways to Improve Your Intimate Relationship

Originally Submitted on 1/27/2004.

Isn't it amazing how much easier it is to get along with other people, than it is to get along with your intimate partner? Things that do not normally bother you, will most likely drive you crazy in your intimate relationship. This is because people tend to fall into unconscious, automatic thought patterns with the people closest to them.

Fortunately, you can break these automatic patterns and get beyond the foggy haze - to the brilliantly shining sun. The following "Mind Power" tips will help you break these patterns and "let it shine," "let it shine," "let it shine!"

1. Commit to complete honesty.

Find a positive way to communicate to your partner what's really true for you. Whatever you do, do not go along with something you really do not want to do, or lie about how you really think, feel, or desire. This will only lead to a lot of future hurt and mistrust.

2. Make a list of the attributes of a successful relationship.

Both you and your partner make your own lists of what you feel would be the picture of, or the attributes present in a successful intimate relationship. Then sit down together to read and discuss each other's lists. This will help you understand what both you and your partner truly value in an intimate relationship. Respect each other during this process. In other words, do not belittle or criticize anything on each other's lists.

3. Design a relationship "Action Plan."

It's amazing how couples will go to accountants and financial advisors to plan their financial and retirement plans, and yet they do not give their relationship the same amount of planning and consideration. Sit down together, and plan the progression of your relationship. Agree on ground rules for how the two of you plan to: communicate, treat one another, spend your time together, etc. Schedule your time together, including categories like: "Play" time, "Open/Honest Communication" time, "Love-Making" time, "Cleaning or Getting Things Done" time, and even "Spontaneous" time.

4. Stop playing the "Blame Game."

"Well if you hadn't...," or "You always...," or "It's your fault, because you...." The "Blame Game" - is an insidious one-way trip to disaster. Instituting the Blame Game is your attempt to change or control your partner's behavior. Your partner is just being him or herself and is doing what your partner does. Stop blaming your partner for your choice to react negatively to what your partner does. You can choose to accept your partner with all of his or her imperfections, continue in this relationship as it stands and be happy about it, or you can choose to move on.

5. Be aware of your tendency to control or manipulate your partner.

Most people fall into automatic patterns of manipulating or controlling their partners, because it works. Do you bully your partner, or cry, or give your partner the silent treatment, or slam things around the house, or play the "What did you say" game, or withhold sex, or etc.., etc..., to make your partner feel badly and eventually get your way? How do you control or manipulate? Get real about your tendencies and notice when you are diving into the manipulation hole.

6. Stop reacting!

BOOM! Your partner says or does something that you've decided drives you nuts, and you automatically react with either anger, frustration, hurt, sadness, or biting sarcasm. Stop reacting. Let your partner be in a bad mood. Or let your partner say that same joke for the fifty-third thousandth time, without getting annoyed. Choose to accept your partner unconditionally.

7. Be aware of when you are giving your power away to your partner.

Are you being yourself in your relationship? If for any reason, you are stifling your true personality to appease your partner, then you are giving your power away to please another person. This eventually leads to your feeling helpless, hopeless, weak, and resenting your partner. Be yourself, and if you are doing so, STOP giving your power away!

8. Agree to sometimes disagree.

There is no "law of the land" saying that you and your partner have to agree on everything. Agree with your partner to disagree from time to time. If you find yourselves at an impasse, remind each other that this is one of those times that you can both agree to disagree, accept that, and move on.

9. Let go of your Godlike expectations of your partner.

Many people get into problems with their partners, because they expect their partners to read their minds, always be there for them when they need them, magically know all of their needs, feelings, and frustrations, and automatically be whomever they need their partner to be at the specific moment they need them to be. Stop this. Your partner is not GOD, and even if he or she really is GOD, he or she has forgotten how to be your perfect, magical, all-knowing, omnipotent slave.

10. Focus on what you can appreciate about your partner.

Whatever you focus your attention on will multiply and grow. Take time out each day to tell your partner, from your heart, what you love and appreciate about him or her. Focusing on each other's beauty and gifts will ensure your relationship's continuing love, appreciation, and growth.

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About the Submitter

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