The Top 10 Key Points About Becoming Incredibly Selfish

Originally Submitted on 12/18/98.

1. Selfishness used to have a bad name; now it's developing a good name.

When humans were tribal, survival and common defense were most important and any member of the tribe who dared to be selfish was a legitimate risk. However, as humans civilize, they can afford to become more selfish. Creativity and excellence require selfishness.

2. Know what you want and say so.

Knowing what you most want is usually very empowering to others around you. People are usually more relaxed and drawn to you when you are secure in who you are, what you want, and what you expect of them. True, you may turn some folks off, but that's not a bad thing usually.

3. When you become truly selfish, you'll have the extra reserves needed to really care about -- and be generous with -- others.

They say that when one is totally taken care of that their cup runneth over -- and this extra is what others can freely take advantage of without any risk to you. Very, very few people have this much in all areas (time, money, space, opportunities, network, love), so there aren't a lot of good models for selfishness and reserves. But reserves afford generosity with no strings.

4. Selfishness is usually the first step to getting your needs met and building a reserve.

Becoming selfish is not really a lifetime ambition -- there's no real point or glory in becoming the most selfish person in the world. However, becoming selfish can get you started on a great path of having all that you need and then building a matching reserve. A reserve in many areas is key to becoming Irresistibly Attractive.

5. Stop hanging around folks who abhor selfishness.

People who try to "do good" all of the time, or who try to "evolve" beyond their "ego" are usually drainers -- it takes a LOT of energy to keep up that pretense and guess who that energy is going to come from? The people who they are "serving?" "Who's serving who?" is the question to ask.

6. Unhook yourself from the negative connotations of being very selfish.

Selfishness doesn't not include egocentricity or insensitivity, but many feel that these three words are all synonymous. They are not. Egocentricity means that you only think about yourself or feel that the world revolves entirely around you, and insensitivity means you have no heart nor care about others. You can be extremely selfish and be neither egocentric nor insensitive. Really! You may need to overcome social conditioning to feel good about being selfish.

7. Spend the next 7 days doing something very, very selfish each day.

If you're having difficulty feeling good about being incredibly selfish, then it's time to go on a scavenger hunt. Make a list of 7 things you really want, but haven't been able to let yourself have. Then, one a day, go grab these things whether they be tangible or intangible. The trick is to quickly obtain what you feel you want or need (assuming you won't mess up your finances), instead of waiting, thinking a lot about it, weighing the pros and cons.

8. Say no, just because you feel like it.

Selfishness is a muscle that needs developing. The easiest place to start is to say no. If you can't say no, get a coach to show you how and support you to say no easily. Saying no is a learnable skill that pays dividends for a lifetime.

9. The real value of becoming selfish is to give your gifts room to develop.

Gifts and talents need nourishment; they don't blossom fully without it. If you've got a special talent or gift -- and most of us do -- become selfish for the sake of that if you cannot bring yourself to be selfish for your own sake.

10. Take what you feel you need, even if it means that others won't get as much as before.

Treat yourself to whatever you'd want for the person you love the most. Take more than you deserve. As Walt Whitman says, "Claim your own at any hazard."

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