The Top 10 Ways to Systematically Destroy Your Relationship

The Top 10 Ways to Systematically Destroy Your Relationship

Category: Communication Skills, Language, Expression (BN200)

Originally Submitted on 1/21/2004.

1. Demand that your partner change to meet your needs. Get openly and repeatedly angry when s/he displeases or disappoints you.

2. Assume your way is the right way. Drown out your partner's beliefs, desires when they don't agree with yours.

3. Put your partner down repeatedly and in public. Tell your partner
what is wrong with them.

4. Have unrealistic expectations.Expect your partner to know what you need
and want without openly sharing your preferences.Blame them for your
bad moods and expect them to make you happy.

5. Spend too much or too little time with each other. Either smother your
partner or neglect him/her.

6. Demand/expect your partner to understand you.

7. Express anger, disappointment, disapproval, criticism, contempt,
resistance often.

8. Focus on yourself. Ask: What am I getting out of this? Notice only
what you do to contribute. Put down, ignore or minimize what your
partner does.

9. Compete. Work at cross purposes. Seek to be the winner. Engage in endless power struggles.

10. Dispair. See that the grass is greener elsewhere. Blame all the problems in the relationship on your partner. Be your most immature.

About the Submitter

This piece was originally submitted by Leslie Feder, LCSW, Life/Parent Coach, who can be reached at Leslielistening@hotmail.com. Leslie Feder wants you to know: I specialize in working with couples and parents who want to improve their family relationships. This
top 10 list has a companion list of 10 Ways to
Systematically Improve your Relationship.

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