Coaching Tip: When the Client Perceives Inequities
Category: Coaching Secrets (CS120)Originally Submitted on 5/17/99.
Introduction
Research shows that when two people who share tasks report what percentage they do, the total given by the two always totals more than one hundred percent. Something doesn't add up.
The Coaching Tip
In other words, perhaps because we perceive what we do more vividly than what others do, we are more aware of it, and so we assign more importance to our own work than to what is done by others. So each person believes the other's task to involve less work than it really does.When a client is working on relationship or work issues, this misperception may lead to the coach hearing about inequities in household chores or in work assignments. This leaves the coach in a difficult situation. Is the client right or wrong? And, right or wrong, how can the client be made right while also being guided to make changes in perception or situation or, quite probably, both?
Before the usually recommended work on setting boundaries and standards starts, it is often wise to ask more questions, to have the client ask more questions, and to encourage greater communication between client and whoever is the person being complained about.
The client may be guided to ask for the other person's perceptions, to use the classic discussion techniques of using I statements and avoiding YOU accusations. It may also be helpful to focus on regarding themselves and the other(s) as part of a team faced with a task, rather than as separate units with separate territories. Naturally, appropriate boundaries are always important, but accurate perception is also vital.
The situation initially presented by the client may not be accurately reported. Nonetheless, it is real to the client as s/he experiences it. Part of coaching involves helping the client to see the situation in its actuality by working towards a more objective perspective through yet more questions.
About the Submitter
This piece was originally submitted by Diana Robinson, Ph.D., Personal Development Coach, who can be reached at Diana@ChoiceCoach.com, or visited on the web. Diana Robinson wants you to know: To learn more about my Personal Development Coaching and/or to subscribe to either/both of my two e-mail free newsletters, please visit my web site. I also offer you the gift of a half-hour of free coaching by phone, with no obligation.
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