Coaching Tip: Tolerations are Personal, not Universal

Originally Submitted on 5/22/99.

Introduction

It is important that as coaches we not lay our own model of tolerations on our clients. What is a toleration for one person may not be one for another.

The Coaching Tip

Tolerations are a constantly recurring theme in coaching, partly because they are a constantly recurring phenomenon. Stacks of paper regenerate, spiders spin more webs, chores and errands have to be done again and again, boundary-invading people continue to try to invade.

However, we need to remember that one person's toleration may not be a toleration for another. For example, piles of paper is an ongoing example of a toleration, and one that needs ongoing attention for most folks... but not for everyone. For some people, piles of paper are not an annoyance but a way of keeping everything easily at hand. I think of the offices of some college professors, who can instantly access any document within any of several piles of paper scattered, apparently randomly, around the floor and furniture. As another example, there are people who regard running errands as a major toleration. There are others for whom it is an opportunity to get out and about, to encounter others, and to exercise choices over their menus and other activities for the coming week.

This is not to say that any toleration that doesn't seem to bother us is necessarily not a toleration. We can become so habituated to specific tolerations that we cease to recognize them, and believe that they are there by our own choice. Just as humans have difficulty noticing the air that surrounds us, and (presumably) goldfish have difficulty noticing the water in their bowl, so may we have difficulty noticing some of our more ubiquitous tolerations.

The only way to discover if something is or is not a toleration for you is to get rid of it, accepting that this may be temporary. It is how you feel when you have rid yourself of the piles of paper, or delegated the errands, or whatever it is YOU do to rid yourself of a specific toleration, that tells you if it was a toleration or a condition that you prefer. If you feel lighter, more relaxed when it is gone, then it was indeed a toleration, and you would be well-advised to try to keep it from returning. If, on the other hand, you feel that you have lost something important, then perhaps it was a part of how you choose to live your life and, for you, it may not be a toleration.

Even though some tolerations and standards may seem to be universal, it is important to remember that what is a toleration for one person may not be for someone else. As coaches we must take care not to impose our own choices on our clients unless they are also the client's choices.

---

About the Submitter

This content may be forwarded in full, with copyright, contact, and creation information intact, without specific permission, when used only in a not-for-profit context. For other uses, permission in writing from CoachVille is required. Questions: email topten@coachville.com

Please use your browser controls to close this page & return to the selection page, or click to return to Top 10 home page.