Coaching Tip: Caring, Not Carrying
Category: Coaching Secrets (CS130)Originally Submitted on 6/7/99.
Introduction
The coach cannot live the client's life. Only the client can make the changes and the decisions needed to improve the quality of his/her life. The coach may be the motivator, the catalyst, but is not the provider of the energy and effort.
The Coaching Tip
There is a saying that is oft-repeated in coaching training classes, *The client does the work.* Since no one can change anyone but themselves, this is very true. However, at times new coaches feel almost guilty as they consider it. If they are being paid, they wonder, should they not be doing the work?For those who feel that way, the saying can be reworded in somewhat less lazy fashion.
*I will not work harder on anyone else's life than they are prepared to work themselves* is an expression I learned when I was doing drug and alcohol counseling.
This is not an indication of not caring. All ethical coaches have the best interests of their clients at heart, and they want the best for them. During their coaching sessions, they contribute whatever they can, while understanding that it is the client's life, and only the client can walk in the client's shoes. However, there is a difference between caring, which you can do, and carrying, which you cannot.
The truth is, if you are on the end of a phone, or on the other side of a desk, from a client for thirty or forty minutes out of the week you cannot do whatever they need to do for the remaining hours of that week. Since you cannot make the changes they need to make, you may as well relax, knowing that you did the best you could do in the time you had with that client.
If your clients choose to use what they get out of your time together, fine. If they do not, then it is unwise for a coach to put energy into something when the client does not.
About the Submitter
This piece was originally submitted by Diana Robinson, Ph.D., Personal Development & Business Coach, who can be reached at Choices4U@ChoiceCoach.com, or visited on the web. Diana Robinson wants you to know: I am a member of the International Coach Federation, and am a Coach University graduate. To learn more about my Personal Development Coaching and/or to subscribe to either/both of my two e-mail free newsletters, please visit my web site. I also offer you the gift of a half-hour of free coaching by phone, with no obligation.
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