Coaching Tip: When Dreams Seem Too Huge

Originally Submitted on 7/20/2002.

Introduction

What is a coach to do or say when a client's huge dreams seem to the coach to be unrealistically huge?

The Coaching Tip

A question that came up recently from a new coach addressed this not infrequent concern. As coaches we all want to be unconditionally encouraging and supportive to our clients. On the other hand, we also want to be truthful with them. We want them to take huge leaps, but we don't want them to fall flat on their faces. What, then, is a coach to do or say when a client's huge dreams seem to the coach to be unrealistic? How do we offer support and encouragement while also encouraging the client to see the realities involved?

This is not easy. (I remember that some years ago I was fired by a client because I failed to negotiate this fine line appropriately. In the interests of what I thought was truthful feedback I rained on her parade when she needed me to be her cheerleader. After that, you can be sure that I have given this issue very considerable thought!)

We need to remember that having and reaching huge dreams is what coaching is all about. Sometimes a client has resources, abilities, or plain old determination of which the coach is not aware, so that something that for that specific coach seems impossible is not impossible in light of those resources.

Probably the most appropriate coaching tool in this situation is artful questioning. While it may not be appropriate to rain on the client's parade, it is entirely appropriate to ask questions aimed at encouraging the client to form a clear and precise strategy as to how this dream is to be brought to reality. The questions do not need to be asked skeptically or in a challenging way, but so as to encourage foresight and appropriate planning. If in fact there are gaps or difficulties that the client has not taken into account, these questions can gently lead the way to discovery of that fact. Let that be a discovery on the part of the client, rather than an observation on the part of the coach.

Perhaps the client will continue to hold firm to those huge dreams, or perhaps the dreams will be amended in light of the insight reached via the coach's questions. Either way, the client makes both the discoveries and the choices.

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