Coaching Tip: Tolerations are Choices

Originally Submitted on 10/31/98.

Introduction

We need to recognize that tolerations are a choice, not something that we endure because we have no other options. Though a few tolerations may be beyond our control, for the most part, if we have not zapped a toleration it is because we have chosen not to give it high priority.

The Coaching Tip

Most coaches have their clients work on their tolerations at some point. It is important, when introducing the concept of tolerations, to be clear that most tolerations have developed only because we have not chosen to deal with them. Most have been issues that were either so low on our list of priorities that we paid them no attention, or things that we do not really believe we can do anything about.

A major function of listing our tolerations is to put them up-front and center-stage in our attention. We can then consciously decide which ones are under our control (the things we can change) and make a choice as to how important they are to us. When we decide that they are important enough to move them up on our list of priorities and that we are willing to spend some time and energy on them, then we are able to 'zap' them.

As for those tolerations that we cannot change, we can choose to accept them, to find a way to reframe them in a positive light, or to explore our alternatives more thoroughly until we find a way to recategorize them as things that we can change.

When we focus on the many choices that are available to us, we no longer feel bound to accept tolerations as an inevitable part of our lives.

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